I guess when the universe speaks...

What can I say, A LOT has changed since my plan to open my own business came along last year. I was shooting for June as an opening date... but come early December (when we found out a child was on the way) we decided that this plan gets put on the back shelf. We revisit the potential now and again but since I am expecting in about 3 months and all build out and the business dealings would have to be mostly me... well that's not happening, not anytime soon anyway. Not to mention that I have seen book stores like Reading Frenzy disappear, with the promise to pop up somewhere in the future. Then there is Counter Media who lost half their space do to rent hikes and lack of sales. While I think that my idea was a little more specialized and focused than these book stores and has the potential to do well, it was still something to think about, opening a small business in today's retail world. 

I have spent the last 7 months working with great, hilarious people in a commercial picture framing warehouse. It was a nice mental break, in that; I was not responsible for One God Damn Thing except to finish what my boss told me to finish. But as a fully capable, problem solving, self sufficient human, getting told what to do on a daily basis and barely making enough to pay the bills at my age, gets old real fast. 

So I have come back around... re-evaluating my place in the tattoo world. Weighing my worth as a creative artist and whether I have what it takes to be an asset to the tattoo trade and not just another fucking idiot. Wondering if I have the discipline for only 3 years in ,give or take, to strive and do the work to be a better person and artist on a daily/weekly/yearly basis. I looked at my tattoos over and over again... the decent ones, the bad ones AND the one that got me a bad uncalled for review on yelp sending me on a self-conscious spiral down...leaving me feeling too sensitive for this part of the business, when most people would be like, "fuck that bitch" and let it roll.

I started in a top shop and maybe the expectation felt too great for me some days... but I learned fast and had some really great artists surrounding me to inspire and teach me on a daily basis... I do not regret one second of it. I worked hard for that opportunity and I left that shop with a wealth of knowledge and friends that I will be eternally and forever grateful for.

So here I am, 6 months knocked up and 7 to 8 months out of the game and I want to come back. I want knock on the tattoo gods door and beg mercy on my over-sensitive softy soul. I want to worship the Gods who came before and the ones that walk among us everyday...cause there is some pretty incredible shit going on in this business of tattoos and art. And while I am very schooled and well aware of the stupid cliche shit that happens at the other end of the spectrum, truth is, I miss my people.I miss this world. Stepping back from it all helped me gain a new perspective... everything seemed so huge and scary to me at the time. I could handle any other artist's client but talking to my own client... so much harder. Now all I do is look at other artist's paintings and other artist's tattoos, try to break it down into keeping it simple so that my brain understands it and can learn from their compositions, line weight, shading and color use. I have come a long way since the beginning. I feel more confident about things... I feel confident in my decision to work along Hawk at Sovereign. He and his wife Allison were also a very important part to my being able to do any of this... not to mention taking in an almost due preggers artist. Seriously, thank you. I am also fully aware and humbled by the fact that I have a very long way to go.


This new chapter I am about to write for myself will be full of ups and downs no doubt. This softy might even cry at times (behind closed doors of course)...
but between the spit up, puke and milk stains on my shirt and the ink stains on my skirts, I hope to be the best parent and best artist that I can possibly be.
So for now this blog changes and may even become humor filled writings about tattoo parents raising a child...cause I try to find the humor in most things. Or maybe it becomes nothing, as I may find myself too busy or exhausted to write.
Either way... much love and respect,
j-